I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
