I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
