That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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