yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
