FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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