I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
