if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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