I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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