apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
