Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
