I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize