The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
