goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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