Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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