I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
