I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We talked him into tasing himself.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
