And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
