we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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