K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
