I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
