Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
