i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
