from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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