he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
