Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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