totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sobbing to NWA
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
