I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
