Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
