sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
