I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
