Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize