i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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