it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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