Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
