Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
