what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
