Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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