dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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