I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
