she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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