Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
