He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
As shirtless as possible
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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