FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
