He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
