I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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