At least make sure they are 18
Why
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
