i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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