North Korea, Best Korea!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
