haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
