So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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