i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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