Is it normal to miss your booty call?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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