Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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