remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
FUCK WHALES
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
