After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
