I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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