no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
