He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize