Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
