One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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