I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
