Everything about him screamed your future.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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