actually, I'm a sock model
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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