i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
