this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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