She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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