is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
