ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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