this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
