omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
