I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
