I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
