My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
