My friends, they love my intelligence
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
