Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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