you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
