it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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