Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
